11. has a best friend who doesn’t like you and who is either invisible, fictional, or actually just the wall she is always gesturing towards when mentioning her friend.
12. when you discuss “tying the knot” in the near future, he immediately raises his arms, hugs you, and yells “yes,” and then goes out and purchases a huge amount of string.
13. dresses like a mime each and every day but then just sits on the couch watching reruns.
14. constantly interrupts all of your stories about your day with root vegetable-themed observational comedy.
15. obsessively loves her kidneys.