4. The Commitment Equation
Commitment = Investment + (Rewards – Costs) – Attractive Alternatives
Psychologist Caryl Rusbult published the investment model of love. In the equation, investment refers to what you have already invested in the relationship. How many years have you been together? How strong is the ecosystem that you have built around the relationship?
Rewards minus costs equate to how much you get from the relationship. Fewer costs and more rewards, the better. Commitment is also adversely related to the availability of attractive alternatives. If you have other desirable options, you won’t put up with his forgetfulness, excuses, or lies, now will you?
My personal belief is that investment and attractive alternatives remain part of the equation only when we fear that there is no one else out there for us, that we don’t deserve more than what we are getting now.